Relationship

GOD! I wanna write this post looooooooooooooooong long time ago.
and i know i need to write this before my homework and notes get increased. ( I'm not done with them yet!! TT )

okay! the tittle : Long Distance Relationship. Cheh cheh XP
actually its about me. the relationship i always wanted.
since I'm small, i mean when i know whats love is about. i always dream of getting a long distance relationship. i want my 1st boyfriend become my husband then my child's father and be together forever after. BUT my parents & friends keep telling me that I'm dreaming. because this kind of relationship don't exist. ( it do exist but not at this era anymore. :[ )

i know but i still don't believe, till i found a guy that i thought is the 'one' then he hurt me and break with me. THE END. My dreams end just like this. i didn't cry much but I'm so disappointed with my self. not longer, i become worst, i try to fall in love with every single guy i meet and flirt with them. Yes! i did that and i get hurt a lot too. cause I'm putting REAL feelings to them and all they do is just playing and hurting me. i thought they were serious but they wasn't. so i told my self not to believe any guy i meet anymore. i don't want any broken promise and stupid promised like i love you forever.

i seriously don't understand myself. each time i get hurt, i told myself not to let anyone hurt myself again but then i go and flirt and hurt myself again. i guess this is a curse. it's like a cycle. happen again and again.
 i trust horoscope a lot. and it said i will meet a lot of guy this year but no relationship will begin or last long. SHIT. this is so true. lots of guy i meet this year and they confess to me ,ask me to trust them as they wont hurt me as how previous people did to me. i don't trust them but they stay beside me and treat me really good. but till the day i thought i could accept them and trust them, they said its not real. its just a lie! a lie again! just a game !!!!!
why can this things happen?

its not the end of this curse yet. there is a guy i meet last year. he's smaller than me a year. the 1st day i meet him, he say he like me and he wont give up me.
i know its not real. haha. so i ignore him. besides i don't like guy that smaller than me, they're childish and immature. but he really didn't give up me. he always there to cheer me up when i'm upset. every single time i cried, he is there for me. i don't know why but this really happen. so i asked my self, is it okay to be with someone that is smaller than me? i don't know but i feel happy each time he talk to me. he is like cheerful and happy all day long. and i want someone like that too. i guess its okay about the height and age. besides, no one perfect right?

each time he said i love you, i like you or etc. my heart beat fast and i really fell for it. we start to chat more and more. every time i upset, i'll find him and he'll solve my problems. he seem all fine. then he often ask me bout being his gf or etc things. I'm happy and felt worry too. we know each other about a year and a half ++ already.

so one day, middle of the night, we chat again. he ask me the same things again. i wanna say YES but end up saying " stop playing! don't lied to me anymore! such games is not fun & playing people feelings is not good at all! " , weird right? but i hopes he said that he isn't playing. he really wanna be with me etc things. but you know what i get for reply? i really couldn't believe my eye for what i saw. he said sorry. yes he said sorry and this mean he isn't serious at all. HE IS SORRY FOR PLAYING ME! i cried. i cried a lot. how can he play me for so long? and how can I'm so stupid get to play with so long? i still find him the next day, hoping all this isn't real but he never treat me the same anymore. he reply me as a friend. and very cold.

now I same school with him. i get to see him sometimes. this few day i saw him after school everyday. but all i do is pretend nothing. and i pretend i didn't see him. it really hurt. this time i really cant expect that someone can use their own feeling to cheat someone. NEVER MIND! its over now. i already get over it! i'm cheer up again!! hahaha :D

to all the jerk that lied me :

One Day! i will found someone that really do love me and treasure me a lot. be with me forever and ever.
he like me as who i am. love my inner beauty not the outward. treat me good. and marry me then.
i will find someone to tease me but love me always. play stupid games with me. watch cartoon with me and sing Jay Chou's song to me. he wont look at other girls because he have me already. he will buy me things i like and spend his day with me. we will celebrate our birthday and Christmas together. he'll take care me when I'm sick and he'll see me in my worst and say I'm beautiful. we will hug together and watch movies. when i cried he will cheer me and when I'm happy he will share my happiness. we will learn and grow old together. went vacation together. he will cook me food and treat me the best. we will have good memories together. and one day he will be my guy and together happily ever after. like those fairy tales!!!

its still a long way to go before we meet each other. we will still dating the wrong person before we meet each other. then one day he will see this post with me. that time i will be smiling seeing this post. not like now crying when i writing this. shit. lol

don't worry babe, we will meet soon. the day i meet you i will know that you're the one i wanna find!!!!!!!

before that i can only wait and enjoy my single life :]

this is a very emo post. haih. damn emo now!!!! hahaha cham. mental problem tim :[
off now and back to my homework life. buai!!