Unexpected One

Seriously. its 3.10am right now.
So gonna get to bed now....
I'm actually ready to turn off everything and look at the clock for one last time and went to bed. Then i saw the date.

22 January 2015
It's not actually any specific date lah to be serious. It's just one month later after that night :)
Yea, so one month can happen a lot huh.
There's so much thinking going on this one month.
Funny enough, it's also one week later after i confess. Great coincidence. Hmm.

I know there's nothing meaningful looking back now. Been brain washing my self for the last 24 hours or 48 hours or 64 hour @@ . I understand the condition now and also understand what I want and what should i do but it just took like 2 second for memories to bring all this back. LOL

Didn't intend to confess anything more lah actually, just realize its one month later after that day. Perhaps you dont even remember it.
Why will i remember it, It's because i thought its the BEGINNING of somethings, so i look at the date == so fucking idiot. and it turn out nothing happen .____.
its around 1.30am that time. Been trying to concentrate in watching RM that time but at the end i actually dont. WTF.

After that night, my wrist hurt a lot and it's pain but there's a smile on my face.
I don't understand why you did that and i'm so dying to know that time but now...knowing the answer wont change anything.
What does it mean to you that night?

The pain in my wrist gone after a few days...
this mean my smile too. I somehow hope the pain doesn't fade away, then i will always remember your existence but then it wont happen.

No matter what happen, Your answer already wake me up and i'm now back to reality.

Friends do help me a lot when i'm crying or emoing but only myself understand myself.
It's not like I still have the same feeling towards him, its the memories that hurt. Things that i wished for 20 years finally happen but now it turn out to be NOTHING. Of course it hurt but soon, it wont. I just need time. So no need worry me kay. Just chill and relax! Let the time do its work ;)

Back to normal is the 1st things to do. It's not like I'm pretending nothing happenned but avoiding it just make things worse.
Secondly, stop making memories! Delete what i should and stop making memories that will create pain.
Thirdly, WAIT. yea. nothing much i can do. Just wait for time to pass and things will be over. RIGHT?

There's much more better trees outside right? haha...

Still, I just dont understand why will it be nothing.
Kay la, sleep early bah! Good night :)

Happiness is just that easy actually. I Think?

Things come and end pretty fast. WOW
Well, it didn't came out as how i expected but the ending were pretty much the same. Doesn't differ much.

Which is, MOVE ON!

No idea why i'm acting so weird for the past 48 hours. So feeling-less.
I'm not either hurt, sad, going crazy or what. In fact i have actually no feeling at all. Still in the shock moment i think? or actually i'm actually awake from that 'dream'

I admit, the feeling of getting into the relationship isn't much or in fact, not at all.
I don't really know my intention of confessing. Perhaps i just want confirmation for my uncertain feeling for the past 2 or 3 months. So right after i get the answer, I'm of course shock and feeling a bit depressed. Never expect the answer would be so....okay. Never mind.
Perhaps I'm living in that dream for so long and i have lost conscious in the reality world. After his answer, i guess i'm all awake now.

The only things that's hurt are the memories. My own memories i mean. After all, the memories didn't actually exist. It's just my imagination OR he think all these counted as a normal thing.
Looking back, i really felt so warm as what i wish to do back then have all came true. Maybe to other people, all these doesnt even matter but to me it does. I guess this is why he felt nothing towards all the things while me enjoying in every stupid moment. Well, memories hurt because there is just too much i care for and now it seem so meaningless. Like you thought this is a rare and valuable things while the other treating them like garbage or useless things. That HURT. A LOT.

No matter what,
I just have to stop creating memories. Once i stop i think its gonna back to normal soon.
Just that i don't understand. Things happen a lot and most of the time not only me that feel its a bit over between friend but my other friends feel the same too and he feel nothing ._____.
Okay, theres still a lot of question in my head but i think getting an answer doesnt mean anything anymore.
Perhaps, all these time i'm just a toy to play with during boring time and soon he'll find another one after i left. OR he might already found one. Whatever, It just doesnt matter anymore.
Why would it matter by the way. At the end, we'll just back to friends :D

To be honest, i have known so clearly about the ending of these.
I myself know it and understand that he isnt the one i've been searching. All these time, the conscious side of me been telling myself that this isnt working and future isnt there to be seen but still i step into the hole just because of the feeling he gave me. The feeling i've been waiting and searching all these time. Or should i say, the timing and the feeling is so right but the person isn't right. Yeah.

I still missing the time where he look at me, pat my head and all other small silly things. Its something that i love. But next time....the person isnt him anymore. i guess....

So.....
I have one whole month to throw him aside and get back to my own world.
Or i should say I'm finally awake from the 'dream'
Time to move on and....get some happiness :)

( I thought after i get the answer from him, i'll cried whole night but in fact I chat with my friends until late night and have a great sleep till the noon. Funny right? )

Happiness isn't that hard actually.
All you need is a happy mind and thinking about where you wanna be in the future!
Who is it you wanna be with in the future and how is it he will be treating you. Things like this i've imagine before with my ex and also a few guys that i like back then but weirdly not him at all. Why ah? Maybe he just too.....different from them. Hmmm... no idea lah

Till now I've no idea whether i'm okay or pretending that i'm okay.
Guess its okay bah, as i didn't really cried at all. Just disappointed and depressed.
Things will get better i think! Just move on and look forward bah!

Enjoy tomorrow outing with dear! Good Night :)