暧昧? Good-bye Y :)

27th October 2014

here it goes...
it's been almost a year? that i keep my feeling toward you.
we used to talk a lot and chat a lot. Ever since 2009?
i thought one day, our relationship might go into a proper one...i hope
Then, things happen and we gradually became more stranger but there is still a connection between us.

until one year ago, we became more and more close to each other, and i thought if i confess, i might have the chance. BUT i didn't. I remain silent and let this relationship just go on...
then, things change and you suddenly became more cooler towards me and things became so awkward. You never replied my message and never even wish me happy birthday anymore. I don't even know what happen. I told myself, after STPM examination, i wanna told you my feelings. still i dont have the gut and finally one day, i saw your picture with a girl. It's just a normal one but i felt different. Then i know, perhaps it is your girl and i guess its time for me to gave up.

You didn't said anything about your relationship. It's not even official. but i guess god wanna let me know the truth. I saw you two holding hand in the picture and you two look really sweet and happy.
I felt pain but i wish you the best for you too.

Today....i also found out that, before our conversation became cold, you're with her already. And then, you never even replied me anymore.
Perhaps, i don't even exist in your life before?
Perhaps, i'm just someone that pass by?
Perhaps, i'm just a toy?

We used to be close, closer than a friend but never exceed to couple.
but i guess, i just think too much?

这就是暧昧吧？不用承认，不用负责，不用认真
来的时候 很快，不知不觉 就开始
走的时候也很快， 不知不觉 就结束。
到底存在过吗？也不懂。

暧昧期 很快 很甜 很开心
也 很残忍，很痛苦 很伤

也许对的人还没出现吧，
可是就算出现了，我 还敢 对他有感觉吗？

If Life Can be Just Simple....

Different people have different personalities and their uniqueness, no one is actually the same.
No matter how different we are, we must always tried to cope and tolerate with each other. Even if you are a kind and good person, people still hate you, dislike you and don't wanna be friends with you. I understand that my own personalities and even temper isnt good and i always tried to improve it. My temper rise up very fast and i get angry over small things. this is my weakness and i know it very well. but in the same time, they goes away pretty fast too (but still it already hurts someone :( )

I know and I understand everyone is different from each other and each of them got their own personalities. If someone hate me over something that I do or hate me because of nothing, I can actually accept it. I felt it before and it doesn't mean i will hate you back as you did nothing wrong.

There is so many project recently and this week I'm going back home. It's already very stress and why must you all come and show me your hate toward me? Its only one and a half month. So fast divided into groups and each groups hate each other, people hate each other. What will happen for the next 3 years? I'm just so tired and dont have so many energy to be into all these. all i want is only done the project and finish all my things. Hating someone or dislike someone really tiring and waste time. Your personality may bug me but i wont hate you, i will just talk less to you. I will still respect you, smile to you and talk to you.

Seriously, life really can be so complicated. Words and sentence can hurt and also kill someone. It just make me wondering, is my decision wrong? is the things i'm doing right now wrong? what should i do then? I'm in such a dilemma. Listen too much hurts but if i dont, i might miss out an important advice. What should i actually do? I miss my own comfort zone. My family, my old friends and my own surrounding, where i can be relax and be myself. but this is life, we need to walk out of the comfort zone and explore the world. Its very hard right now...so freaking upset and lost. haih.

WELCOME BACK

Hello Blog!!

It been a loooooooooooooong time since i update haha!

I actually stop to blog ever since last year?

but then due to the project in my school now, i start to blog again!! (another website but more to my project progress!)

then i start to get back the feel of blogging again!

Let's Update A Bit About Current LIFE!

I graduated from Form 6, took my results (just average, cukup makan haha!), went for interview at USM, get USM offer! (best things ever), moved to penang, and living in USM Saujana hostel now!

I'm currently studying Quantity Surveying at School Of Housing, Building & Planning (HBP) @USM (hehe I'm proud)

1st year, 1st sem and doing lots of project now!!

School of HBP is a very busy, fun, crazy and sleepless school! very tiring yet exciting and magical school!! haha.

Learned so so much here! especially drawing and having a right mindset!

2014 is an amazing year yet full of sadness year. Thing just happen and all we can do is just accept it. Makes me learn how to cherish every moment and enjoy life to the fullest! 

From now on, I will try my best to write all my feelings out and update as much as I can! it's actually quite hard because studio life is sooooooo busy and i just submitted my 3rd project!!! 

i'm only here for 5 weeks? and i already done 4 project, doing 2 and gonna get another one next monday! Mid sem break also need to rush project!

By the way, I'M GOING HOME NEXT WEEK!!!!! MISS HOME SOOOOOO MUCH!! T______T

going Apartment stay tomorrow with senior! hope it'll be fun ^^