Insane Mood ; ON

Final exam : TOMORROW

wow...with a blink of eyes, i've reached here. The end of semester 1

so many mix feeling and feeling that i'm gonna go crazy soon

It's now study week and i've spend one weet + doing almost nothing. I do study and try to focus but the mood just isnt there. I've been staying up till 4am or 6am but with no output. This kind of feeling really make my mood swing. In additional with other kind of problems. I found that i couldnt concentrate. For the first time ever i felt so unprepared. Dont know how to die. haih. i promise that i will work hard before this but now i fail to do so. im so disappointed in my self :(

My mood swing and i'm very very very emotional recently. I have no idea why...or actually i know but i just wanna ignore it. The more i ignore it, the more i think of it. Just why....Why cant i deserve happiness. Its not like im not happy now. I'm happy and glad that i have a loving family, not dying, have food and oxygen and living very comfortably right now. Just in other terms, in my unlucky relationship. Things never even work out once. They say the longer you wait, the best things get to you but it just havent appear yet. Every moment i thought, YES this time is it! I finally can be happy with him then lighting struck. damn. straight to my heart. i don't even know is it  me that think too much or it really happen this way. 

To be honest, stepping backward now and looking at this whole things. I really can conclude that LOVE is a scare things. No matter how rational you think you are, You just cant think normally when you fall in love. I done all the stupidest things just in this few months. Where before this i told my self i wont. How scary is that. You just became someone that even yourself dont recognize yourself anymore, 

so this particular person, is such a pain. 

Feel like losing my mind and gone crazy real soon. Perhaps this is the first time ever i felt so. thats why i'm acting like this. Knowing no hope still wanna jump into the black hole. This isnt the normal me or perhaps every girl become another person when they found the-so-called-love-things. sigh, looking back to my 'history' i think i changed, yea people do change but this time i felt that somethings is difference. i don't even know what is it in words but i just felt changes. perhaps in look or i became more brave in expressing myself? no longer that shy timid girl that will run away when a guy came to say hi. lol. 

changed in looks too :P 

2006/2007 (my first ever selfie!!!)

2008/2009?

2009/2010?

2011

2012

2013

 

Before Enter USM       2014 :)      After Enter USM       

GOSH!!! So DARK T__________T

everyone say i slim down....ofcourse la...the Saujana Mo4 staircase and my bloody far school that located at the end of USM ...

i became more crazy too....

 

No idea is it too stressed or i really changed. 

Right now i....just....wanna....

My everyday quotes....to prevent me to think too much ( a friend that teach me )

So wanna delete 'him' from my memories...it's just the beginning....my friend say it wont hurt but the memories do hurt. Coz its the first time ever i felt so. sigh. Hope things get better after semester break! MISS HOME! MISS MY FAMILY AND MISS MY  DEAR YAN YAN !

P/S : Saujana Mo4 is up high above the mountain but...it's worth

ok..back to study!

FIGHTING!!!